Body Image & Peers - DVD segment 4

In this segment we take a look at the positive and the not-so-positive influences that we can allow our peers to have on us.

Here’s what some women from our survey and the video had to say about peers:

“A healthy relationship with my peers consists of things such as trust, respect, compassion, understanding, forgiveness, and equality…” 104

“It’s good when you compliment people on their personality and if they’re
joyful, or if they’re happy, or if they’re smiling…Those are the things I
think that will build each other up more in society as women. I think we
should be doing more of that, building more women up as just who they are and not what they wear or what society wants them to be. I think it’s important.” Karen from the video

“A healthy relationship with peers could be described as getting along most of the time with a certain amount of mutual respect for each other as a person. Having some of the same interests, moral, values etc. Being there for your friends when they need you, knowing they can count on you and that you can count on them…Discouraging them from doing things that could both emotionally or physically hurt them.” 112

“Healthy relationships are with people you enjoy being around. They’re     
encouraging and supportive. If you have healthy relationships with your
peers, you’ll be able to argue and accept the other person’s point of view.     
Healthy relationships are also built on trust and honesty. People in healthy relationships accept others the way they are and do not pressure them into unwelcome situations.” 168

“Peers that respect you for who you are [and] are there for you no matter what…Someone who compliments your life, enjoys doing activities together, [and is someone] you can trust and depend on...” 195

“When I’m around people who are confident in themselves and not always obsessing about weight or image or anything life that, I feel so much more comfortable with myself.” Amanda from the video

The Power of Peers

Consider your group of friends. What qualities do you admire most in them? Chances are that your list contains both external (visible) and internal qualities. If you were asked to rank the importance of these qualities, would the external characteristics rank higher than the internal characteristics? If so, you’re not alone. While peer groups provide emotional support, help to build friendships and encourage social interaction, they can also be a source of preoccupation with weight, shape, and dieting.

There is often pressure from peers to move closer to the societal ideal for body image as portrayed in the media. Research has revealed that peers can influence a person’s eating behaviour, their desire to diet, and their interest in weight and shape.  Women who show the most body dissatisfaction typically belong to social groups that support a thin ideal and encourage dieting. What’s the context of your peer relationships?

In the video, Nikki mentions that people began suggesting to her that she lose weight. This made her very uncomfortable with herself and as a result there was a shift in her body image. The power of words is astounding. Sometimes we adopt the opinions of our peers as our own even if they are contrary to what we believe.  Case in point, in the video Tina describes an incident in which a friend jokingly commented, “Tina you’re so fat”.  She reveals that she instantly broke down and started crying because, even though she knew she wasn’t fat, she believed that there was a reason her friend said it.  It is so easy for us to internalize negative comments from our peers.  However, at the same time it can be difficult to accept compliments.

Try this on for size:  Each day, compliment a friend on an attribute not related to her body. For example, “Great job on that assignment!”  Helping others to acknowledge their strengths and feel good about themselves will in turn encourage you to recognize your own strengths.

Body Talk

Friends and acquaintances can be very influential through information sharing, modeling behaviours, exerting peer pressure, and teasing. In addition, peer influences involve social comparison and a phenomenon we’ve termed ‘body talk’. This refers to the preoccupation that groups of women often have with talking about their bodies and food. We’re all familiar with this. You get together with a group of friends, conversation gravitates toward food and body dissatisfaction, and someone announces “I’m so fat!” Before you know it everyone in the group is taking jabs at themselves because “if she thinks she’s fat then I must be enormous.” Women need to move away from this cycle of self-criticism and embrace each quality that makes them unique. If we can have such a strong negative impact on the perceptions that other women can have of themselves, imagine the strong positive impact we can also have.

Where to Start

How does the process of change begin? How can we go about changing our body image and maybe even the way others feel about their body image? Change begins with one person.  Avoid comparing your body with those of your friends. If you find that you’re comparing yourself to others, try to remember that every body is different, which means that we all have special qualities about us. It’s entirely normal to have concerns about your body. We all experience times in which we don’t feel comfortable with how we look. That’s fine! However, when you find yourself feeling this way, make a list of things you admire about yourself. With a little effort, you might be surprised at how easy it can be to compile a list of positive attributes about yourself.

Look to peers who encourage you to be the person you want to be. As Karen mentions on the video, “Allow yourself to be who you are with other people who accept that, that’s the ultimate thing.”  Who do you want to be? Perhaps you haven’t yet discovered the answer to this question. In time you will.

Kat mentions on the video “Everyday I meet someone and I take bits and pieces from those people that make me feel better about myself and put me in this better frame of mind.”  Your ability to deflect negative comments and to absorb encouraging ones may be an ongoing challenge.  However, surrounding yourself with peers who are supportive and who offer encouragement will help you to take control over how you feel.

Become “body talk” conscious. When you sense that conversation among your peers is headed toward body dissatisfaction, weight control, or food, alter its direction by pointing out the many positive qualities in each of your friends. Resist the urge to put down your own body by keeping in mind that what you say can rub off on others. Remember, words are powerful! Become a positive role model for your peers by learning to accept compliments from others and by helping other women to feel good about themselves. Most importantly, be yourself because as Kat mentions, “At the end of the day it’s just you!"

 

Exercise 4.1: Think about, and maybe event write down, a list of strengths for two of your closest friends.

·    Try to avoid characterizing them based on external, visible features.
·    What makes each of them unique?
·    What qualities do you value in them?
·    Do they know how you think about them?
Use this list to remind yourself that we all have qualities to be admired and respected by others.

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