Chillaxing - DVD segment 10

by Kristine Knauff

Here's what some women in our survey and on the video have to say about how they deal with stress:

"Sometimes if I'm very frustrated I go for a walk or hit the gym. I think it's very healthy to burn off frustrations through physical exercise rather than letting it bottle up"⁴⁰

"I love curling up and watching a movie to relax after a long week."^{Mandy on video}

"Build a support network of friends and family to diffuse the negative and share the positive."⁵

"Take times out of the day to relax, do work, etc. Have a plan."⁵²

"Try yoga or meditation; find a hobby or interest that excites you or calms you down to take your mind off stress."⁸⁰

"It depends what kind of mood I'm in. If I'm really upset with something within myself...I find journaling really helpful."^{Karen on video}

"Surrounding yourself with a fun, healthy group of people."⁴¹

"Take time out for yourself; have a bath. Take into consideration that you can't always control the outcomes of things."⁶¹

"I know this may sound weird, but something I do to relax is go clubbing." ^{Amanda on video}

Stress

"It's important not to let it consume you..."

Women today lead very busy lives. At times it can seem like we're being pulled in 10 different directions at once. We go to school, have part-time jobs, belong to teams or clubs, have family, peer and romantic relationships. Each of these areas can take up a lot of time in our lives. Each can also have their own stresses. For school there are essays, presentations and exams, while some of our relationships can have degrees of conflict. All of the time and energy we devote to these areas can leave us feeling pretty stressed out.

There are two kinds of stress we can experience, acute and chronic. Acute stress involves things that are temporary such as an exam or a break-up of a relationship. Chronic stressors are more long term and may build up over time such as sleep-deprivation or constant overworking. Both types of stress, especially the chronic ones, can have all kinds of effects on our physical, mental and emotional well-being. For example, our immune system is responsible for protecting us from sickness and disease, yet it can be suppressed by longer term stress. Ever get through a particularly stressful week, only to get a cold just in time for the weekend? Other physical problems such as fatigue, headaches, muscle aches and stomach problems are also common. As Nikki in video says, when she's stressed she seems to feel it the most in her stomach. Mentally, we often have trouble concentrating in part because our brains are already so occupied with whatever issues are stressing us. We're also more likely to get emotional when we're stressed, perhaps crying or maybe even lashing out at other people.

Exercise 10.1: Think for a moment about your own stress.

. What parts of your life stress you out the most?

. What kinds of physical, emotional and mental effects do you experience when you're stressed?

Emotions

"If I want to cry, just cry and get it out..."

If we know stress and the emotions associated with it can have a negative effect on our mind and bodies, does this mean that these emotions are "bad" and should be avoided at all costs? There's really no such thing as a "bad" emotion. As Katherine on the video says it's okay to feel sad, or even bad about yourself at times. We often label our emotions as good or bad depending on how they make us feel, but one thing we often forget is that all emotions serve some kind of purpose. Anxiety, for example, is often a sign of some danger or stress in our environment, and therefore motivates us to do something about it. No one would ever study for an exam or do their homework if they weren't worried about the consequences. There may also be times when our emotions can serve as an indicator to other people about how we're feeling and how they should respond to us. When we're sad, our behaviours, like crying, or even our facial expressions can be a signal to other people that we're upset about something and could use some comforting. All emotions, even the ones we consider to be negative, are essential. There is no way that someone can feel happy 100% of the time. It's important that we give ourselves permission to feel however it is we want to feel.

There are times, however, when we may feel like our emotions are completely out of balance. Perhaps we're feeling sad or depressed most of the time. If this is something that you feel like you're experiencing, it may be useful to talk to someone. Although for some people it is natural to turn to their parents, other people may not feel the same way. If that's the case for you, then other social or professional resources may need to be explored.

Resources: Professionals to talk to.

Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868. Toll-free, 24-hour, anonymous phone counselling/referral service for youth. For more information visit http://www.kidshelpphone.ca/en/

Canadian Mental Health Association: Nationwide charitable organization that promotes mental health. For a list of counselling resources in your area visit http://www.cmha.ca

Coping Skills

"I needed to cause a snowballing effect that was positive..."

If stress in our lives is pretty much inevitable, it's important that we have ways to deal with it so we don't start to feel overwhelmed. One strategy to keep this from happening is to make sure we take care of our bodies in times of stress. Although when we're busy it's easy to skip meals or cut back on our sleep to gain some time, we're actually making things much worse. If our bodies aren't properly fuelled and rested we'll have difficulty functioning to our optimum level. Taking care of our bodies, however, is probably the only way of coping with stress that works for everyone. Everyone has their own strategies that work for them. Just because a friend does one thing to help her relax doesn't mean the same thing will work for you. For example, many people find that physical activity, such as kickboxing or running, can be a great way to work off frustrations and tension. This doesn't mean that every time you're stressed that you should hit the gym. Perhaps when you're feeling stressed you prefer a less intense activity like yoga or meditation.

It's also important that we have many different types of things we can do when we're stressed. Like Karen on the video says, sometimes she prefers journaling when the stress is for internal reasons, but has trouble sitting still when she's stressed from being busy. Not every strategy is going to work for every situation. Sometimes a strategy might work for you and sometimes it won't. For example, there might be days when watching TV doesn't help you to relax because you just can't concentrate on it. We need to have lots of different ways to cope so there will always be something we can do to help us de-stress. It's great to try new activities out to see if they might work for you.

Also some of the strategies people use to cope with stress sometimes leave them feeling worse. Nikki, for example, likes to eat ice cream when she's stressed but knows that it isn't the best way to handle things all the time. Other people use alcohol to relieve stress. The problem with this however, is that the next day they wake up with a hangover and still have to face the problems that made them feel stressed in the first place. The strategies we use, therefore, should be ones that make us feel good in our mind, body and soul. As Kat on the video says, "we need to have a good friendship with ourselves".

Exercise 10.2: Try something new!

Sometimes we can get into a rut with the things we do to cope with stress. The next time you need to relax why not try something different? Here are a few ideas:

· Get out some pictures and think about your friends and family.

· Put on a favourite song and sing along or dance.

· Watch a TV show or movie that makes you laugh.

· Do some volunteer work or just something nice for someone else.

· Be with people who make you feel good.

· Treat yourself to something you don't normally do.

· Pet or play with your (or a friend's) dog, cat, hamster, etc.

· Play a video game or get some friends together for a board game.

· Take up a new hobby (photography, knitting, yoga, etc.).

· Try a relaxation technique.

Exercise 10.3: Relaxation Technique.

Many people use relaxation skills when they need to unwind. With some practise most people find them easy to do and very helpful. Here's one you can try that's great to do before bed or when you are feeling stressed.

· Rhythmic Breathing: Get in a comfortable position.

· Inhale deeply through your nose for a count between 3 and 6.

· Do whatever count feels most comfortable to you.

· Now exhale through your nose for the same count.

· Don't hold your breath in between.

· Keep this rhythm up for several minutes.

When you're finished, you’ll feel more relaxed!

Source: Leahy, R.L. & Holland, S.J. (2000) Treatment plans and interventions for depression and anxiety disorders. New York: The Guilford Press.